My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?