Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Randomize
