you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
