pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
