He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
