One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I have fence marks all over my body
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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