sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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