I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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