i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
