he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
