yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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