I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
