I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
The convent might be a nice break from real life
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
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