ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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