Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
