Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
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Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
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I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.