what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.