i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver