five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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