my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
When did we convert life to cartoon?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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