I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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