hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
