I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Randomize
