I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
