i think i have two assholes
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
