I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
