No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
