pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
