She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
