I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
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Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
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I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize