I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
The uberlube is also flammable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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