i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
In America we eat man semen.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
