If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
