I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
you didnt know i had herpes?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
