I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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