No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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