jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
No subtext here. People are naked.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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