my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
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