you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
