I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
My pussy is not your playground.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
