Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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