oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
