I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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