The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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