If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
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