Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Randomize