im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
