babies were throwing up all over the place
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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