dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
