i just wanna soil my oats bro
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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