go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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