i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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