weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
