U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
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