im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
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