please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
There's a naked man in my car right now.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
