Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
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