I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
