so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize