There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Let's get the cat blown out
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